Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that you do not have value. Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than you. There is only one alternative - self-value. If you cannot love yourself, you will not believe that you are loved. You will always think it's a mistake or luck. Take your eyes off others and turn the scanner within. Find the seeds of your jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences. Put all the energy into building your personal and emotional security. Then you will be the one others envy, and you can remember the pain and reach out to them.

Yesterday morning when i woke up for school i felt chills. I knew then that sooner or later i'll get sick. But then the day get later i am feeling better. However, when the sun went down the fever came back and am suffering from until today. All day today i didnt let myself down just because i am not feeling well instead i clean and did laundry. Thankfully, i am feeling better and this time i hope this is for real;)
I hate being sick.

Also i have been having problem with my ex-boyfriend's wife. Early this year she asked me to be friend on myspace. Without any questions i accepted her request and didnt hold that against her. But it turned out she is a demented lady. She sent me a message saying that i look like i am on my 40's and that she looks very young on her age. Who in the world will compare theirselves to someone especially if that someone is your husband ex-girlfriend. I then figured out that i really dont need her friendship if she is there to criticize me. She believes that i am jealous of her because she has 3 kids and i dont. Holy mother of god, why would i be jealous if i dont have kids. I love my life, i dont need children to live my life to the fullest. For me career is my priority right now, period!!! God know how happy i am for my ex but for her to thinks i am still after him holy cow she has no idea. I havent spoken to him like 10 years. I dont even know he still exist until she came along and ruined my peaceful days. What a cuckoo. Unbelievable what can insecurities do to someone. I responded to her so many emails asking her if my ex still mention my name to her, because that would s_ck!! Thats the only reason i can think of why she hated me so much and cant get herself off my back. She is a great pretender and a scary stalker.Hahay life..;)

I havent been on here much as i want to. Been busy with school and job hunting. I am hoping to get a job soon. If anyone knows a company or someone might be looking for a Network Engineer please let me know;)
With the situation we are in today I am still hopeful to get a job in my field.
I am so disgusted by other bloggers; no offend but isnt it blogging about making something of your own not taking someones else works? I dont know but i guess i am way beyond my head but i truly believe that you should work hard for something if you want them.
Theres nothing really going on today but a birthday party of one of my closest friend here in Colorado. I was awaken by a friend this morning that i am little disappointed of because i really want to stay in bed as much as i can before i head to the party; but no i got interrupted by my phone ;(
Everyone have a fabulous Saturday.

It takes more than blood to be a dad.
Oh this is surely a proven fact.
I've seen men give his heart to a child ...
Never once think of taking it back.

A Dad is the one who is always there;
He protects a child from all harm.
He gives a child the assurance that he
will be their anchor in any storm.

A real Dad is a man that teaches his child
all the things in life he needs to know.
He's the tower of strength a child leans on.
The source of love that helps them grow.

There are men that children call Daddy.
Oh, he is their shelter when it rains.
He showers them with unconditional love.
As if it were his blood in their veins.

Whenever you meet a Dad that redefines the word,
honor him with all the respect that is due.
Understand that he proudly wears this banner ...
Because his heart is big enough for you.

It's sad but true that not all men understand
it takes more than blood to be a dad.
Someday if they wake up to their empty life ...
They shall miss what they could have had.

To those men who will never be a dad ...
No matter what they say or do.
It takes more than blood to possess that title ...
And it's only found in a man like you.

You were my first love.
The first I ever had.
The first man I ever loved.
You were my papa.

You taught me how to play chess.
You taught me that girls were just as good.
You showed me how to beat up the boys.
You showed me that I could.

You always joked.
You were always there; when mama will spank me.
You told me that you loved me.
You told me that I am your shining star.
I never took the time to stop and care.


When you were gone my world was shuttered.
I lost the one and only man that loved me for who I am.
I was your spoiled little angel, your little girl.

I miss your smile, your laugh, your touch.
I miss you very much papa.
I know on my last breath, and walk through death’s open door.
You’ll be there, standing, at heaven’s gates.
I know that’s where you’ll be waiting.

I love you and miss you so very much.

I'm always blown away when friends or perhaps family ask me if I do like rustic furniture. Simply because I have no idea what it is. I did my research and i'd love to share it to people. The expression rustic furniture can mean two things;furniture that is handcrafted out of authentic materials or furniture that looks handmade. I am always fascinated when i see furnitures made of Woods.It reminds me of my father. He was a great carver/sculptor. He can carve anything from doors, tables, beds, and many more. What i love the most about rustic furniture because it is bold and hearty looking. It gives me the feeling of the great outdoors and simpler times.

An artistic squiggle
A toddler’s giggle
It’s a warm glow inside


The sky at dawn
A baby being born
Its that feeling of deep joy


A sparkling waterfall
A crisp cuckoo’s call
It’s a lightness in your life.



Only beauty abounds
No discordant sounds
It’s a knowing you are free.

Life comes with obstacles,

Obstacles that must be pursued,

No matter how rough the obstacle,

No matter how long and how tough the walk

I will succeed by trying my best,

Failure does not exist if I try,

Taking “one day at a time,

I cannot change the past,

The best is yet to come,

The present is now,

Focus and work on the present,

Success will follow in the future,

Focus on the goals that I create for myself,

Change is wonderful,

Do not fear change,

Change is wonderful,

Today is the beginning to a new destiny,

The mind is a powerful tool that has the strength to achieve,

I create a plan to help me achieve what destiny has in store for me

I am who I want to be

I can succeed,

Believe in myself and focus on the positive aspects of life,

Take “one step at a time”,

And focus on what I have, not what I do not have,

Life is what I make it,

So look at the positive and over power the negative,

I control my life,

Life does not control me.

Wide Awake
It's late at night.
The rest of the world is resting.
Yet, I am sitting outside our veranda.
I am Wide Awake.
I am looking up in the sky.
Tonight there is a full moon.
It casts a beautiful glow everywhere.
I am Wide Awake.
I see thousands upon thousands of stars.
I can see constellations as well.
I marvel at this beautiful world.
I am Wide Awake.
I wonder what the world be like if we were more like them.
I wonder what the world would be like if they could love.
I wonder what the world would be like if they could dream.
I am Wide Awake.
Sometimes I wish I didn't live in this world.
Sometimes I wish that I was a star.
Sometimes I wish I could be seen in the midnight sky.
I am Wide Awake.
I stare at the midnight sky.
Marveling at its serene yet majestic beauty.
Why can't our world be more like that?
I am Wide Awake.
The moon is casting off a bluish glow.
Its glow passes through the roofless balcony
Tears are running down my face.
I am Wide Awake.
I have gone through so much pain.
Yet, when I gaze at the majestic beauty that lies before me.
My heart is filled with hope.
I am Wide Awake.
Recently, things have gotten even harder for me.
I have gone through a lot of change in short period of time.
I wasn't ready for this kind of change.
I am Wide Awake.
The pain from my past still aches inside.
But it is starting to ache less.
And at this single moment…
I feel no pain at all.
I feel only hope.
I am Wide Awake.
I walk towards the glass slide door.
I climb into my bed.
I pull up the covers.
I close my eyes.
I lay me down onto my pillow.
I close my eyes and dream.
I will hold onto the hope from this moment.
I will keep it with me.
For when I need it again.
I am No Longer Wide Awake.

For the best
Or the worse
I don't know
Everything change for a reason
From the smiles
To frowns
With all the ups and downs
Letting go is the hardest thing to do
Of the person you love the most
But knowing it might be
Only for the best
When you're the one that caused all the pain
Wondering why he never left
When he's the one who should have said it's over
But your love for him won't let it go on forever
Because he deserve everything that he giving you
That you never return
All you can do now is walk away
And hold on to the memory
Because you thought being together might make you strong
But now realize you must have been wrong
Because everything you do turn out to be wrong
Wishing there were something you could do or say
But you not sure he would even consider another day
But yet why should he
When you did wrong
As you try to let go of him
But at night he fill your mind so much
All you can do is cry
And awake the next day with him still on your mind
But you should have known it was coming to an end
When you start getting that feeling inside that you about to lose
But like someone said
Love start with a smile
Grows with a kiss
And end in a tear
Which is so true
Because I guess who all love must part
When things been wrong for so long
And letting go is the best
© By Latavia M. Holzendorf